OK so last week I had Bothania, the brazilian girl who I met on the aeroplane flight home Sydney-Adelaide, stay with me for awhile. Her intention was to stay with me for my entire holiday break of 2 weeks. Back when I made this arrangement I was all over the idea. I was gonna have a decently hot, interesting girl around for while. Cool right? Things didnt work out that well.
It was a gradual thing really. I started getting more and more frustrated with her english. I started to get less and less into her in general, she certainly came back less attractive than before. She reminded me on a number of occasions how she looked like a model back in brazil and that as soon as she got home she would lose a bunch of weight. In the meantime she was scoffing down chocolate and not eating anything of sustenance. All the while she was getting more and more into me. Turns out this is a really shit situation to be in. Its like the girl who is constantly chased by the needy loser who is obsessed with her. I now know how that feels. It’s scary and it’s creepy.
On one occasion she broke down crying because I was talking to another girl. This was at pauls birthday party down the bay. I only heard about it from trobs and was forced to take her home early. Maybe that was the first time the image of her as a burden rather than a blessing entered my mind? I cant really timeline it in my head.
She told me that she was on Drugs for a year, that she was seeing a psychiatrist and that she had slept with 32 guys 4-5 days after that incident. After that it was end-game for me. She had to go, the mere sound of her voice as she monologued on and on was enough to make me scream. She told me at the start of the week I was free to kick her out whenever I needed to. So I did. I booked the hostel down the bay for her. She was obviously not intending to leave at all. Shit really hit that fan after that. She was hysterical and crying. Telling me I am her only friend and that nobody loves her. the usual psyco shit. I was being an asshole, I know, I tried my best to put up with her. The truth was I just wasn’t happy with the situation and I couldn’t take it anymore. I was honest, brutally maybe, but still honest.
I have often wondered if I have a problem liking girls who like me. It seems to be a running theme with me that I will attract and build report with a girl and lose interest once I win the game. Maybe I am simply not going for the girls I am really into in the first place? I will strive to open sets I really see myself end-game with. I know the girls I want are few in this country, and in high demand but I cant let excuses stop me from pursuing what I want over these next 7 months or so. I need to figure myself out at least. I know I was happy with ayaka. I hope I can be like that again. That feeling of a truly mutual relationship is what im after…I think.
