ramblings of the regular

This will be a “keep up with my posting” post. This blog does fit into my goals. I want to be able to look back and checkout where I am over the weeks and months. So, its been awhile and I’ll just crak out whatever comes out of my head at 2am on a thursday night.

My japanese needs another kick-up-the-ass. Man, its been really getting me down. More pressing matters will take up my direct focus and ill fall out of my good habits. Japanese is gonna take 2 main things in my mind those being: Direct focus on mining or RTK2 or whatever it is for a certain pre-allocated portion of my day. Ie 2-4 hours of mining per day, via now habbit and the other main thing being immersion.

Mining; direct, deliberate and focused practice of japanese ie/ doing reps, adding new items. I can sometimes just bust out a cool vid or some youtube and slowly plug away at my srs items alot of the time. It works pretty well. However sometimes 30 mins is all it would take to get everything done and ill do it over a 1 hour 30 min rip of love hina or something. The other is immersion in general.

Playing warcraft(3. not WoW ffs im not that fucked) while listening to PUA cds is NOT helping me anymore at this point. I know the concepts. I get the m3 model down to a tee. I know the inns and outs of ALL the fucking theory to the point where I literally could teach a workshop without actually havng any fucking real sarging experience. (cumulatively I have sarged more than most, but I dont have the lifestyle by far, and im not sarging regularly enough to improve in field. So I could take a bootcamp and go through every fucking detail of how an interaction SHOULD look. but really, my SPs are still fucking AA…) WTF!..

So now that im in holidays, I have a bunch of free time about my person I figure this is where I should really be hitting my goals in life. Improving myself through sarging, and learning japanese like the best.

There is a dirty little secret, something that has been getting me really down of late of which, now that im over, will give me a confidence that I have lost of late. An outbreak of cold-sores which I was sure was oral herpes from some skank or the other has turned a lab result of negative. so im in the clear. I still have niggling thorghts that the tests messed up etc, I got the swab results not the blood test results (I donno how accurate the swab is, the doc assured me it was fine)

So what can I do? How can I act? a mans word may show his wit but actions his meaning. 250 sets. this is where mystery says I need to be. I would probably agree with him. A close friend of mine recently got the easiest lay ive ever been reported on. He is a great guy, athletic etc but as far as inner game I am leaps and bounds ahead and my knowledge of thoery you already know about. And I know I shouldn’t care but its human nature to compare and try to compete with our peers. I gave him probably the most supportive reaction anyone will give him, and it was sincere. But in reflection feelings of animosity sometimes arise. I’m pissed I’m not getting more of the same encounters in truth.

so. as far as acting.

Japanese: break away from warcraft 3 from today, pua CD’s are out. Back to full on immersion. I’m gonna take my ipod with me EVERYWHERE and crank that soljaboy wherever possible. Mining. At least 1 a day for fucks sakes. winnable games and all. hopefully 1 leads to 2 etc etc. I need to expand my japanese social circle aswell. I am seeing hiroko and her entorage… (hope its not just her and like 2 other japs) this saterday night and I will be in full networking mode. like totally befriending everyone at the event. busting out my japanese and all…

PUA: Sarging. 4 nights a week is what I really need. I am a fucking pussy about it though, I know. I wish It wasnt so. I could go out by myself a few nights like DREAM back in the day. But really I donno if I have it in me. All I can do it try though right? I figure out what im gonna do every day I wanna go out in advance, invite anyone who will come allong and if nobody wants to join me I will try a night out with just me and my cheat sheet. Most guys would NEVER do this, and its with that thread of hope I cling to. More than and man and all. someday. I’ll go out early, get my sets in and bail if it sucks. This is about PRACTICE and not about END GAME. when I leave for japan I want to be that social guy. The skills transfer over, I know. One new girl a month for practice should be achievable.

4 nights a week, 4 sets and hour for 3-4 hours. those 250 sets will come quickly. I hope. Mixed sets. 10′s. asian girls. I have to conquer my fears. step by step:

Drill the routines in your head:
rings routine, openers, transition mats, at least 1 DHV story
Make a cheat sheet:
draw one up, seriously wtf.
Pick nights and locations:
as around as to where is popular on non fri-sat-sun. wednes is taken holdie (sets ehere 2 please) but thurs at garage, tues and mondays also? where?
SARGE:
4 nights a week, 3-4 sets and hour for 4 hours.
the first few weeks will be so hard, But its WORTH IT. I know this, you know this, everyone knows this. Starting TOMORROW NIGHT!!.

Its about time I really turned the heat up, and got this shit on the road.
I am STD free, and I have a big day tomorrow.

MOTAM – out.

When your goals get compromised

When you fall off the horse, it’s hard to get back on.

Its been one of those weeks im afraid. Been studying for exams, working on getting those passes so I can make it to where I want to be next year. Really, If I fail a subject this semester its gonna be far worse for my goals than not mining or even repping for a week. Thats the issue. You take away the japanese to fill a more urgent need. Like studying for exams. The problem is now Im back to old habbits. 7-8 hours a day of ENGLISH study means my immersion walls are coming down around me, I have a third of all my cards due in my SRS deck and ive spent the last couple days using my free-time to play rtses with HK (with japanese music in the background (is that even helping?)).

Right now I am living in a little outlier. Its a bubble of crap untill july 1st at 3:30 pm. Maybe this situation warrents a little compromise? I donno. The best I can do is get back on the horse the SECOND my delaying factors fade out of my scope. SO come july 1st, its time for me to bust out some epic immersion. RTK2. Anime, movies, music, books, fun shit.

GAH. Better get back to it.

日本語でって

Hello my friend we meet agian,

Its been awhile where should we begin?

Man, I havnt listened to that in ages. Just wanted to whip up a quick update for references sake. Ive been having an AWESOME couple days on the japanese. The 10k sentences that is the goal of all AJATTers has been staring me down for the last 2 months. I kinda did a little bit of calculating and I realized that If I had kept a decent sentence input rate of 20 reps per day (probably a little more than an hours work) I would have around 1k sentences under my belt. As we speak I have a pathetic 83 sentences in Mnemosyne. Pretty poor right?

My immersion has been pretty good, My music, TV and movies are all japanese. The movies bit it kinda tough because I dont have many good japanese movies or any good dubbs for that matter. The horror movies at my videostore and *cringe* anime have been keeping me afloat. I think im gonna have to amazon up some materials. My funds are pretty shabby atm though…

The last couple days though… wicked immersion. Yesterday I plugged in 30 sentences in about an hour and a half and the day before that I had a dream in japanese after consuming about 4-5 hours of *cringe* anime during the day.

Its now about 3pm, Ive got all my reps done and some drama cranking. I have some uni stuff that I have to do at some point but Im expecting another serious sentence session soon.

The best part of this is I know if I can get most of my days like this I’m gonna make it. I can truely get a glimpse of that light at the end of the tunnel from where I’m standing right now.

Its a good feeling.

Goals:
from now: an hour or 1.5 hours per day via Now Habbit for Sentance mining. I’m gonna grow from the “failure” that has been the last couple months.
Starting from july 2nd: RTK3
sometime between Aug-September: Take a month to understand the news (I’m gonna play this by ear a bit, If im really not ready for this step I will wait. If I have a shot I will take it.)

MTAM out

water water everywhere, but not a drop to drink

the last couple weeks have been a veritable step back in all my goals. I realise that this isn’t necessarily a BAD thing, it sucks obviously, but its not especially BAD.

Basically the deal is this : My japanese has been taking a backseat to my pua stuff in the last week or so. I have been listening to lovedrops audio, reading up on all the stuff by SINN and old DD stuff aswell. Ive also been doing a large amount of non-japanese reading in general now that I have George R. R. Martins A Storm Of Swords (Omg awesome) but Ive been keeping up the japanese listening while I read all the above. Still : nothing beats reading japanese and sentence picking the good shit. So I’ve been trying to get back on the pua horse with a vengeance.

Mistakes are being made. The first and most brutal is that I am WAY too end-game focused right now. Getting an awesome girlfriend is a long-term goal that you just cant go out and “focus on”. I need to set myself short-term and medium term goals for this part of my life. This will also allow me to CUT DOWN the time spent on this part of my life so I have as much room as possible for japanese. Out in the field I am running into oldschool blocks that I thought I had dealt with. Its AA all over again and I need to work through this as a short-term goal. I have been sarging around the place, but dabbling, and still feeling the AA in alot of situations.

SO, here is my short term goal : Start a conversation with a girl I am attracted to everyday, starting today (Sunday 24th May). This doesn’t have to be one per day per se, but in a month I need 30 approaches. If you get my meaning. More is welcome. Im copying this from some other puas 30/30 club. I cant be assed looking up who exactly.

Medium term goal (1-3 months time): going on a couple of day 2s by this point.

Long term goal (3-6 months +): the asian girlfriend projects ultimate goal.

I know my long-term goal here, I need to backwards engineer it a little bit and work my way up to it. I have alot going for me but my SP and AA need to be dealt with before I can start going with the woman of my dreams. Thats just common sense.

At the end of the day this has to be a part of my life. But a small part. My goal is japanese, I want to All Japanese All The Time my way to a respectable level before I leave for Japan next year. At the same time my happiness is pretty important to me also. That happiness is gonna be diminished if I dont have a girl in my life. Some people (see: alot of my mates) have almost come to accept not having a gf and not getting laid as a part of their lives. This would be simple for me to do really. But I cant do it, because of who I am. I cant keep fucking the ug down the street and going to the bar and approaching 1 and a 1/2 sets. This isn’t in my blood. I was cut from a different quarry.

More than just a man.

its not who you are, its what you do

I believe the line from batman goes something like this: “its not who we are underneath, but our actions that define us”

My inner-game is strong when it needs to be, although sometimes I struggle with depressing thoughts and feelings, there are moments where I feel like the king of the jungle. I think from a base level I project this outwards and people pickup on it. I am strong, I am a beast of social intelligence and even… power. at times. But when you read into my actions you might be a little confused. Why didnt you approach that girl on the bus, that stranger standing there, waiting for the little green walking man to flash…??? It could be that procrastination and anxiety just keep taking over in that last final blinding moment. Everytime it looks like I might just transcend myself and step up and in to that blinding magical place… I picture it as a bright light. a place of pure whiteness. a tundra.

My life is revolving around two main points at the present. Japanese and asian girls. These are my two goals, and my two chief wants. Buddhism teaches that base wants are the source of all human pain and suffering. That point rings home pretty true for me. I am really beating myself up when I have a bad day on the sarge, or a bad day on the japanese. I feel sad, depressed, lonely. And in the end all this energy is going where? nowhere. I feel like I need to rise above this crap,  remove the wants from my life and maybe… I donno…

its not who we are underneath…
I like who I am underneath. I like myself alot, which I think is important. But here is a question for you: If I am so awesome underneath, deep down, why dont I have an attractive, cool, smart, a little bit cocky and a little bit quiet, funny, fun loving asian girl in my life?
its our actions that define us…
I really am beating myself up with this question, the results arn’t heathy. I figure I can either do one of two things here: remove the WANT from my life and like a Buddhist monk become one with myself free from wants OR use overwhelming force to sarg, find that person, and subsequently find happiness.

The person who I am underneath wants the stuff of the surface to succeed. This is where I differ from every other guy in my situation. I have the goods. I just need to get out there and use them.

- until then, friend.

CRAP!

Since our last talk some 10 days ago I have been plodding along at a poor pace. The asian girl project has gone up shit creek without a paddle for the last 10 days. I have sarged, and I have sarged asian girls but the effort has been…far less than overwhelming.

My week-long experiment with japanese and the unscedule has also been a disaster. This week I have added like 2 card to my deck. I need to find a way around this problem. Since I finished RTK1 some 3-4 weeks ago I only have 34 cards in my deck. THIS IS PATHETIC. I need to re-read the now habbit, refocus and actually GRIND OUT these first few cards. I know this goes against the grand plan of having fun 24/7 while learning japanese but I see no other alternative. As a polar opposite to this week, and leading up to testing in a few weeks for japanese I will try to add AS MANY CARDS AS POSSIBLE using the un-schedule method.

As far as the sarging, I need to pull my head in. I will pull my head in. I choose to pull my head in.

the asian girlfriend project

way back last year around this time, actually before this time I think, so it would be more than I year ago, I was set on finding an asian girlfriend. Fresh of the plane from japan my plan was to sarge hard untill I found someone who would fit the bill. Physically that girl is a common sight at least around university where I was planning on sarging. I did a decent chunk of sarging by my standards (see style-life challange) but I didnt really get anywhere useful. Here come the excuses. After getting back I was hanging out with Tash, a decently attractive and outgoing blonde who while a bit of a phyco druggie made the perfect fuck buddy. I knew she was gonna sleep with other guys from time to time, but I was trying for anything I could get on the side aswell. On the pill and pretty horney made her a great investment of time, money, whatever and I feel by the time she left for melb for work we had a decent connection on a meaningful level. During the last month or so she was here I had my first of two consecutive knee reconstructions. I couldn’t walk for about 2-3 months after each. around the time I had my second recon I met hiroko and kumi and started hanging out with these 2 japanese girls pretty regularily. I missed sleeping with a girl who knew what she was doing under the sheets but I satisfied and pretty happy.

Here comes the same old story again. Hiroko started getting more and more into me and I was getting more and more turned off by it all. If one person wants it much more then the other it becomes creepy and a problem. See bethania. At the end of the year I left for my trip to the states and Colombia (which deserves its own post soon I think). This gave me alot of time to think about my goals and direction. I was around all these stunningly beautiful girls but there was still something missing. Some inherent problem with the recepie. I could still appreciate their beauty and all that but I knew it wasn’t quite right. Now im repeating myself.

So now 6th of May 2009 I’m back at square one. Who knows how my life would have been better/worse If I’d found that girl way back last year. Would I truely find the happiness I felt I was missing all this time? Maybe I’ll never again be as satisfied with my life than when I was back in Japan. Next year Is too long to wait however. I dont know who said it but “If you dont like your life, change it”

Now for the how. Overwhelming force. Its an article online linked by Khatz. The same principle which he applied and that I am trying to apply for japanese learning applies to pu. The idea is this: If you take your goal and pour much more time, recourses and effort that you think is nessesary so you make success more of an automatic reaction than a drawn out push through the shit. Rather then what I did before with pickup, which was to dip my feat, read a bunch of theory and only really regularily practice on my friends and family. You take the opposite of dableing. Use all your personal recources to focus on one goal and you can simply hit that goal out of the park in one shot, so to speak. In pickup, this principle is pretty much essential to victory. I recall a video where mystry is talking about a river with two cities on either side. PUAville and AFCland. You can choose to either live in one of the two. If you wanna live anywhere between the two (dipping your feet) you are destened to drown. trying to sarge very little, take little time here and there to work on your social skills and only going on a date once a month with a new set is destened for disaster. Your going to be beating yourself up, pulling your own hair out and basically enduring an unnessesarily painful experience all for what? In the end most people give up and are left with very little. I know from experience.

You have to integrate the things that will change your life as much as possible because you MUST win. I MUST have an asian girlfriend and I MUST become good at japanese. I wont let this become counter-intuitive by treating each set like she is going to be my girlfriend. I dont NEED to pick her up, but I do NEED to open her, attract her, build a little comfort and close.
OVERWHELMING FORCE:
The first thing I’m going to do is : Find out what asian girls like, do they all consider white guys potential pair-bonds? Do they prefer guys with blonde hair? what kind of cloths/hairstyles do they prefer. I will open sets to find this out. I will also try to close any sets that look promosing despite the blatent DLV’s.
Then I will: Become “that” guy as much as possible without compromising my values. I’m happy to change my hair-colour slightly, wear different cloths, shave every day, get an ear-ring etc if its going to make me more attractive to asian girls. Looks arn’t everything, but any advantage is worth persueing.
Next I choose to: Open a pre-defined number of sets per week, only opening girls who I would consider potential pair-bonds. Around 10-15 sets a week should do it. I am going to aim as high as I can first, then work my way down the social scale. As far as when I will be opening, during my day-to-day life as much as possible, but around uni I may have to pick times to go around sarging.
How: soft-direct game. Direct game is supposed to be the best for framing relationships. This also applies to my survey period. It is direct. I will consume more than enough material on direct game to help me do it right and keep up the heat untill im dating girls.

For the next 30-45 days this is the plan. I will touch on my progress over the next days and weeks. At the end of the period (when I decide) I will evaluate where I am at with everything and tweak my approach as necessary. see you in 15 sets.

Never drinking again…

When blind drunk I become very… Emotional. And I dont just mean I get all sad and wanna cry and kill myself (although occasionally that might happen). What I mean is that I become a wild beast of emotion in general, hate, love, sadness, watever. I wanna fight some guy who didnt even look at me. Next I try to grab some girl and yank her into the bathroom. Ill start picking people up and telling them I like them or pointing in faces and calling people bitches. It has quite unfortunately become a bit of a problem for me. If I’m with good friends, or a girl who is receptive, the situation could be fine – possibly even awesome. But put me in the wrong situation with people I dont like or who annoy me and it gets a bit dangerous. I become a slave to the scenario.

When we are drunk is that just all our real thourghts and feelings coming to the surface? Take away all a persons inhibitions and do you find the real person underneath? If you take away caring what people think and caring about your own physical safety and what is left? Truth?
“Rather than Love, than Money, than Fame, give me Truth.”— Henry David Thoreau

Sigh, im hung-over. Maybe ill clean my room and my car.

facebook down

I feel bad even putting a post up about this. The reason being that it validates the fact that facebook was actually an issue for me. To be honest the past say..6 days I have been really good with facebook. Forcing myself to only login once a day and check my stuff for 5 mins and log back out. I was using facebook for a number of good things other than wasting time. I was keeping in contact with my american boys diego and brad, chatting up a girl who I should have opened when I saw her in person but pussed out and now took the shot online (better than nothing), and I met up with a really only friend who I hadn’t seen in awhile. Beyond all that stuff I was keeping myself down to a 15 min day of facebook. Occasionally relapsing into 45 mins or so.

This is what it really comes down to: For me, who I am, my goals and plans in life; facebook just doesn’t fit-in with that. If im spending 15 mins a day on facebook thats 15 mins I could be spending learning japanese or doing some uni stuff or calling up some girl. A post by Emergency on sushiandseduction.com covers this point thoroughly. The point I wanna make is that I dont NEED facebook to reach any of my goals, dreams, aspirations so why the hell do I spend time on facebook? It goes in the same category of watching TV (in english) for me.

Dont get me wrong im all for play. Infact I think its essential to maintain a healthy balance of work and play to be happy. I will cover in a future post my use of Fiores book “the now habbit” to structure my life. Guilt free play is important. The thing is I have so many things that I can do that I would put in the “play” catagory like socializing, working out, watching japanese TV/Movies, playing japanese videogames, walking the dog (with iPod), reading a book, listening to japanese music that all help accomplish my goals in life. Facebook does not fall into this category.

This brings me to my final little piece about the whole thing, Dream. This is a guy who for 3 months went out every night sarging, he eats a really healthy organic diet and follows his strict workout regime(which has become really queer of late, he recommends 12 mins a week exercise or something stupid – totally cancelled my subscription). This is someone who I really respected because not only has he done all this stuff, changing his life in the process and documenting it all for me to enjoy but ontop of all that the guy is the same age as me. We are at the same point in our lives. We both had alot of problems with knee injuries growing up, we both used to be overweight and losers (see: World of Warcraft). And yet this guy has mastered the game, cold approached more women then most people do in their entire lives and become an awesome guy all in the same time period as I have got to where I am now. Its these parallels between us that really highlight his achievements for me. I have come along way ,yes, but this guy has RIPPED IT UP. Or so I thought… until I added him on facebook.

The guy spends alot of time on there. Its impossible to estimate how much exactly, but to the level where he would find some funny video on youtube or something and post it. He would post articles on workout gyberish he found (positive failure and weights is 10x better than cardio crap). I dont wanna get into that debate just now but you get the point. So I asked myself… if this is a guy who really has his head screwed on tight and really has his shit together what exactly is he doing online like that? Its a figgin joke, shouldnt you be sarging or reading a book or eating an organic cookie or fucking some blond 10 or something? It hurt me a little to realise that this wasnt the guy who I wanted him to be – through no real fault of his own I was massivly disspointed by it all.

So, Dream can sarge like the best, but when it comes to time management he is… average. Ill get over it eventually. In the meantime its about time I stopped looking to others to find that special something and started working on becoming that person myself. Why not? Maybe Dream should be looking up to me not the other way around. There is a new Big Dog in town.

a failed experiment. redirecting my focus.

OK so last week I had Bothania, the brazilian girl who I met on the aeroplane flight home Sydney-Adelaide, stay with me for awhile. Her intention was to stay with me for my entire holiday break of 2 weeks. Back when I made this arrangement I was all over the idea. I was gonna have a decently hot, interesting girl around for while. Cool right? Things didnt work out that well.

It was a gradual thing really. I started getting more and more frustrated with her english. I started to get less and less into her in general, she certainly came back less attractive than before. She reminded me on a number of occasions how she looked like a model back in brazil and that as soon as she got home she would lose a bunch of weight. In the meantime she was scoffing down chocolate and not eating anything of sustenance. All the while she was getting more and more into me. Turns out this is a really shit situation to be in. Its like the girl who is constantly chased by the needy loser who is obsessed with her. I now know how that feels. It’s scary and it’s creepy.

On one occasion she broke down crying because I was talking to another girl. This was at pauls birthday party down the bay. I only heard about it from trobs and was forced to take her home early. Maybe that was the first time the image of her as a burden rather than a blessing entered my mind? I cant really timeline it in my head.

She told me that she was on Drugs for a year, that she was seeing a psychiatrist and that she had slept with 32 guys 4-5 days after that incident. After that it was end-game for me. She had to go, the mere sound of her voice as she monologued on and on was enough to make me scream. She told me at the start of the week I was free to kick her out whenever I needed to. So I did. I booked the hostel down the bay for her. She was obviously not intending to leave at all. Shit really hit that fan after that. She was hysterical and crying. Telling me I am her only friend and that nobody loves her. the usual psyco shit. I was being an asshole, I know, I tried my best to put up with her. The truth was I just wasn’t happy with the situation and I couldn’t take it anymore. I was honest, brutally maybe, but still honest.

I have often wondered if I have a problem liking girls who like me. It seems to be a running theme with me that I will attract and build report with a girl and lose interest once I win the game. Maybe I am simply not going for the girls I am really into in the first place? I will strive to open sets I really see myself end-game with. I know the girls I want are few in this country, and in high demand but I cant let excuses stop me from pursuing what I want over these next 7 months or so. I need to figure myself out at least. I know I was happy with ayaka. I hope I can be like that again. That feeling of a truly mutual relationship is what im after…I think.